Fast and Furious 101
by Legendary Neo-Jin
Summary: Some swearing, this is just a parody humor that I wrote lamanting about some of the more stupid things said/done/shown in F&F. Reviews welcome, flames not as welcome, i mean not much to flame its jus a stupid story that i made outta boredom and its kinda
1. Default Chapter

Fast and Furious 101  
  
Hey this is my first fanfic ever, and Im only writing it to mock a movie that, while accurately portraiting certain parts of the import 'subculture', also has numerous stupid scenes only the true enthusists would notice. And of course the people that just spend a lot of time listenting to the true enthusiasts. Oh yeah I don't own this movie, I wouldnt want my name near it actually, dont get me wrong I liked it, when it came out I loved it, but after seeing it so many times and owning the dvd, I quicky began to notice to many stupid things that were just kinda funny. For the record I do know what I am talking about. I have owned (in this order): a 1993 Nissan Sentra that my buddies and I swapped an SR20DE into, a 1995 Subaru Legacy sedan AWD with a full rally suspension with remote resevoirs, skid plates, case hardened transmission work, a plethora of performance parts, Electromotive TEC II stand alone engine management, roll cage, and some other misc. stuff, a 1998 Acura Intega GS-R with intake, header, exhaust, cam gears, underdrive pulleys, digital ignition system, wires, plugs, polyurethane engine mounts, Koni Adjustables with Ground Control coilovers, SSR competition wheels, and a cool nifty stero system too :) And finally my newest and soon to be greatest ride, a 1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX turbocharged and All Wheel Drive from the factory, by the end of the summer I'll be in low 12's. Next summer Im reaching for the 10's. haha I've owned all these cars in the 3 years I've had a legal drivers lisence. Go figure. Anyhoo on with teh story, like I said I own NOTHING related to the story, ie: characters, brands, franchizes, Universal, the great RJ Devara, Craig Leiberman, and other import people icons.  
  
-Fast and Furious 101-  
  
(A/N: this is gonna be jumping around from different scenes in the movie)  
  
Brian- I need naaawsss....I need nawwsss...my car topped out at 140 mph...  
Harry-You know most people would be happy with that...  
Brian-Dammit I need NAAWWSSSS!!! I need one of these...one of the big ones...and Harry, I need it by tonight...  
Harry-Sure thing boyo....though one can will be more than enough since the amount of nos injected is totally related to the injector plates and not the amount of large, chromey bottles...Have it by tonight...sure it'll only take six hours just to set up the dvd player to the nitrous control unit and stand alone ENGINE management, not to mention rip apart the heater vents and control to install gauges and switches and custom fabricate the parts for it but sure why not you dont need to be concearned with teh little details...stupid pig.  
  
Vince-Talk to me jessie this aint working brother..  
Jessie- its your fuel map man, its got a nasty hole...thats why your unloading in third  
Leon-I told you it was third  
Vince-shut up  
Jessie-just tune the nos timer, leghten the injector pulse another millasecond, you'll run 9's.  
Vince-Really?  
Jessie-Sure...why not? I mean even though the Nos timer wouldnt relate at all to the MAP having a hole in it...speaking of which how does a hole develop in a MAP?   
Vince-You tell me...  
Jessie-Its not in the script.  
Vince-Damn...  
  
Crowd-oooohhhh daaayyymmmnnnn  
Jessie-I see a cool air intake, a NOS fogger system and a T4 turbo dominic, It has direct port nitrous, an AIC controller-  
Dom-Yeah and a stand aloen fuel management system. Not a bad way to spend 10 thousand dollars.  
Random Onlooker-Hey...isnt that the Non-Turbo motor out of a RS/GS model eclipse?  
Brian-um...no...no it isnt.  
Random Racer-Hey...why are the cam gears on the other side of the engine? and why does it say Chrysler DOHC on it? Isnt it a mitsu? And why would you install a NOS fogger system and a direct port?  
Brian-um...I really couldnt tell you.....  
Onlooker-Hey...since when do turbos use cold air intakes leading to their intake manifold first, instead of the turbo?  
Racer-There's a turbo there? (peers at headers....) nope, no turbo...  
Brian-um.....  
Edward-See that shit...he's got enough NOSSS in there to blow himself up...period...  
Racer-Any nos could blow something up....  
Dom-Yeah...  
Brian-So what do you say, am I worthy...  
Dom-I dunno, I didnt understand WTF jessie was talking about....can't you tell bythe expression on my face?  
Brian-Um....  
Dom-But your in, lets go!  
  
Dom-You almost had ME? You never had me...you never had your car! Granny shifting, not double clutching like you should....Youre lucky that hundred shot of nos didnt blow the welds on the Intake! As it is I dont know why your floor fell out of the car....  
Brian-um...wouldnt double clutching a turbo car just blow the center bearing out of the clutch?  
Random racer-FOo! you aint even really doubleclutching...You only double clutch if you had no syncros!  
Brian-Synch-what?  
Dom-You say sommin bout my momma?  
  
Dom-Your the last person Id expect to show up...  
Brian-Yeah well I figured since my car magically got back into good condition I'd thought I'd get into your good graces...  
Dom-How did it get this good running again...and how did you get a new floor board in the car?  
Brian-I still dont understand how the nos coulda blown the floor out to begin with...  
Dom-Oh...  
  
Dom-Alright...what the hell is this?  
Brian-This is your car.  
Dom-My car? I said a ten second car, not a ten minute car.  
Brian-say...doesnt that black eclipse have the same body kit as mine?  
Dom-Um...guess its pretty popular.  
Brian-Guess so...  
  
*Scene where it pans over the Supra's car parts*  
Dom-Wow....look at all the pretty parts...  
Letty-is that a RACTIVE air filter?  
Leon-god i hope not  
Vince-those look like RACTIVE spark plug wires....  
Jessie-maybe Dom's on a tight budget?  
Brian-whats that snail shaped thingy for?  
Dom-Thats the turbo...it does...stuff....and yea....  
Vince-what the hell? did we get sponsered by Toucan industries or soemthing?  
Letty-I didnt think ractive even made stuff for a supra...  
Brian-Hey...doesnt that blue eclipse in teh shop have the same body kit as mine did?  
Dom-hey it does...daymn people arent getting very imaginative with them....  
  
Brian-who you racing?  
Jessie-some fool in a honda 2000....  
Brian-Jessie dont do it, I betcha he's got more than a hundred grand under the hood of that car...  
Jessie-Uh huh.  
Tran-What the hecks that white boi talking about...maybe if I platinum plated every nut and bolt and chromed everything and tossed a coupla's bags of money under the hood for good luck...and how can they say Honda2000 but not add one letter and make it correct and say Honda S2000?  
  
Racerdude-How bout I race you for that sweet piece of ass?  
Letty-You want ass goto hollywood boulavard, you want an adrenaline rush it'll be too large...right here right now...what do you say?  
Racerdude-...you got it.  
(engine's revving)  
Letty-  
racerdude-hey...didnt you have Corbeau racing buckets in before?  
letty-hey...i did...when did the buckets get replaced with the stock seats?  
Racerdude-i dunno.  
  
Random onlookers-Hey...that eclipse has teh same body kit as that eclipse over there....  
random onlooker 2-hey...youre right...oh daymn! look at that supra! its got ractive shit all over it!  
random onlooker 3-hey check out the babes!  
random onlooker 4-OH MY GOD....i saw an eclipse...with the same body kit as the others...  
random onlooker 5-oh shit...i saw one with a different front bumper...thank god there is varity after all...  
random onlooker 6-Yeah...a honda prelude is gonna beat the Toyomoto sponsered, 10 second street trim Lexus SC300 with a 2JZ-GE motor with a ball bearing T4 turbo, six cylinders, 3.2 literes, and rear wheel drive...  
Random onlooker 7-look at all the pretty rice....  
Random onlooker 8-hey...is that the same eclipse as before...?  
Random onlooker 9-hey...did anyone notice how that 240SX had racing seats one minute and stock seats the next?  
Randomonlooker 10-i think everyone did...  
  
kay tahts it people, there is actually a lot more...but as I started to write this I quickly realized taht while humorous to me, it may not be to others, and the fact is as I started to point out all the little things, more and more came to mind, and it scared me. So thats it. Bear in mind I actually liked that movie, but there was just too much bullshit to make it serious. For those of you not in the know...a person who would use RACTIVE equipment on a super high wheel hp supra...should be sent for mental evaluation.  
Praise be to Craig Liberman for letting the viewers see his insanely beautiful Toyota Supra with its T66 turbo, and Bomex body kit...pray be to the god of Bomex...I hope you speed over your rival  
Praise be to RJ Devara for letting veiwers see his Honda S2000 with its Veilside Millenium S2000 body kit, and Comptech Supercharger. And much hate to whoever thought that stupid ninja star scheme was better than teh blue/black to red chromoflair shift paint job it originally had.  
  
peace-  
Brian 


	2. Take Two

Here is a small update to my first ficcy, mostly to let more people review and comment on the things I pointed out. I think its interesting that a person would get so upset by someone else (who is involved in the REAL import scene) pointing out some rather funny inconsistancies in a movie.  
  
Junior'sPrincess-thanks for the review, read my new story!  
  
  
Fast and Furious 101 take Two.  
  
Jessie-Tell me what you think, Koni Adjustables, they'll save us about two pounds apeice, AND they'll give us better traction for the holeshot. This is the basic layout of the car, and this...is what it could look like, red, yellow, whatever.  
Brian-man you should be going to MIT or something.  
Jessie-Sure, why not, I mean, the fact that I can use a computer and a mouse to point and click on little pictures of a pre-rendered car, who's plans and should not be able to fit on a 3.5" diskette, and tell you how some shocks will be lighter and give better traction, that should make me a succesfull M.I.T. graduate.  
Brian-yeah! see!  
Jessie-.....right....  
  
Jessie-...whats gonna happen is the turbo's gonna spool really quick and *swwooooppfffhh*  
Letty-Yeah, thanks jessie, I didnt know what would happen with a turbo on a car despite owning a turbocharged nissan..  
Leon-Yeah man thats great, i didnt know what a turbo spoolup would sound like since I only own a Nissan SKYLINE from JAPAN with an RB26DETT motor, ie: Twin turbo DOHC inline six with all wheel drive.  
Jessie-Hey no problem...Thats what im here for, to tell everyone the things they already know.  
  
  
well thats it, just a little thing. For those of you upset by what jessie last said: i wasnt reffering to the audience, whether they know about the motor or not is irrelevent, I was referring to the fact taht he is telling two other racers, and mechanics, what the turbo is gonna do on the motor....that be like me telling a mail man that delievring mail to a mailbox is involve delivering. 


	3. Come back to Class so I can School you a...

Wow.haven't updated anything in a while, anyways I was in a funk and decided to re-read some reviews to this story.and it amazes me the absurdity of some of the reviewers.I got flamed for pointing out flaws in a movie that I said I liked.go figure. I especially like the "you're just showing off" bits.made me laugh, obviously Im showing off, jeez, that's half of what the import scene is about, showing off your knowledge, your car, and your tuning. But hey I don't pretend to tell other people what they are doing.Hehehe.also the whole thing about it being a movie and of course having mistakes it totally true and forgivable, I never said I wrote this to hate on the movie.seeing as I liked it.hmm..curious.Look, lets make it simple and break it down for the people that couldn't apparently comprehend the author notes in the chapter: This fanfic was written as a PARODY. A SATIRICAL piece if you will. Its plainly obvious that if they wrote the movie to only entertain the purists, that it wouldn't sell as well, I have nothing against that, just like this was written to entertain people that wanted to see, or never noticed, some of the stuff that was incorrect. EVIL_N for instance.makes a reference to Pearl Harbor and the Matrix, well personally Pearl Harbor was a disgrace to the men and women who died during that assault, and should never have been allowed into theaters, it took one of the most painful experiences in recent American history and made a profit on it by showing a story about two star crossed lovers and their struggles at the expense of hundreds of others.be that as it may I still enjoyed it to some degree, but having been entranced by stories my grandfathers told me about their service in world war II, one of them AT pearl harbor, that movie failed to impress me in any great way. As for the matrix.come on it's the Matrix, there wasn't any real technical issue for them to abuse, since it was delving into a futuristic setting, and frankly, capitalized on a oft thought of but never really brought to light theory: that our lives are little more than an illusion. Well that's about it for my rant, now on to a new chapter of Fast and Furious 101: Fast And Furious 101 Failed and Retaken  
  
Fast and Furious 101: Failed and Retaken  
  
opening scene, Gold Supra, Silver Skyline(R34 GT-R Vspec II for those keeping score) Red FD3S RX-7, and (shudder) Pink S2000 racing through a custom closed circuit on the streets of Miami.  
  
Dude with the Afro Yo! Do it! Random Asian mechanic right! Bridge starts raising Afrodude Hehehe, told you I got a surprise ending! Random racer uh.how is this supposed to be cool? Youre sending them off a steep grade to plumment seventy feet with a good chance of killing someone all over a race..you didn't think this through did you? Afro-dude *blinks* uh.oops?  
  
Gold Supra driver wooo shiiiitttt! Brian wwaaaahhooooo! [pushes nitrous buttons] ffssshh! Gold supra jumps, Skyline jumps over it.at this point you HAVE to be wondering what the drivers are thinking.lets take a look shall we?  
  
Gold Supra holy shit holy shit what the fuck! Man this shit is crazy! Aint no rent money worth this holy crap woah.he's going over my head.its like some kinda.extra dimensional experience..and.oooh here comes the ground.whoa looks pretty hard.*crunch* wow.there goes my bumper.hey.that's a pretty big hard looking sign im headed for.ah shi- Brian holy crap NAAAAWWSSSSS DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!!! Wooooooyeaaaaa!!!!! Holy shit im passing OVER him! That's right IM THE MAN! OH YEAH WHITE BOY GOT HOPS!!! Ouch! Damn that musta sucked he hit hard *crunch scrape* oooh.there goes the front neon lights.. Red FD Man screw that! [screeches to a stop] (oddly enough though he lost the race and some pride, he had the most intelligence out of the entire cast combined..) Sooki wooooooooo! That's right boys a girl can be stupid too! I mean uh.a good driver yeah.tahts what Ill tell em.I still lost though *tear* *crunch*  
  
Cars come to a stop blah blah rejoicing ensues. Afro-dude duuuudddeee Brian hey did you ever think that could kill someone.that guy with the Supra is lucky to be alive. Afro-Dude *blinks* my bad. Brian nevermind man look at that chick.yeah she's waaaayyy hotter than Mia was.and she prolly doesn't have a violent older brother.  
  
New scene with the cars being revealed: Brian Woah.. Rome the convertible's mine! Brian dude.an EVO? Give me a freaking break I had a god damned SKYLINE!!!! And you saddle me with an EVO!!!??? FBI director (forgot his name) Hey, I thought they were pretty good.. Rome Something doesn't add up here.lets see.front wheel drive new generation eclipse..the older ones were much better and faster.and whats with this paint job.looks like a god damn spider web gone wrong or something. Brian EVO's are good..but I had a SKYLINE!!!! [looks oddly at FBI man] mitsubishi paid you a visit didn't they? FBI no.no of course not. Brian they paid out the ass for these cars to be featured didn they! Didn't they! I HAD A SKYLINE!!! FBI shhh! Youre violating your contract with Universal! You think that big bonus to your pay was a happy goody feeling bonus! Jeez! It had to come from some where! Rome there's no boost guage.but when I rev it up I hear a blow off valve.but no boost guage alludes to a lack of a turbo.or that an idiot put this car together. Brian *crying* I had an Skyline.. FBI ohh lord.  
  
Alright that's it, you know why? Because the second movie I thought was pretty damn tight, less inaccuracies on the technicalities, though part of that could be attributed to the lesser emphisis on the cars themselves, and more on the plot.one bad note about that movie was that the acting kinda.sucked? Maybe it was just me.and my friends but same difference it just seemed kinda weak.maybe cause Vin Diesel wasn't there? Either way just a heads up, that kinda jump at the end of the race ruined that race for me, and two, if you have ever jumped a tuner car like that.or even remotely like that.it's the biggest rush, and possibly the craziest and most stupid thing to actively go looking to do. For those of you into rally it is just the usual hum drum though, even if it can wreck a car pretty good *cries over my smashed WRX from jumps and rally) oh well this was just a crap shit story I put together to vent a little and get me back into the grove sorta speaking, so I can start pounding out chapters on my actual F&F stories, I still need to update The Search for Hope and add a new introspective for Brian O'Conner, similar to Trapped in Freedom. Anyway Ciao! 


End file.
